Why do some people feel the need to control others?

Often when people are controlling their partners, they don’t realize the results of their actions. They might not even know themselves why they are doing what they’re doing. Sometimes people believe it’s their role to be in control. Sometimes people don’t know any other way to deal with the intense emotions of being in a relationship.

What kinds of people would let someone control them?

There is no typical person who gets involved in controlling relationships. People can be very smart and still experience dating violence -- half of all 16- to 24-year-old Texans say it’s happened to them (60 percent of females and 40 percent of males). Dating violence isn’t obvious at first – it usually starts with controlling behavior and/or verbal abuse, and it may get worse over time. When someone is chipping away at you like that, it can be hard to see what’s going on. And sometimes control takes the form of jealousy, or wanting to spend every waking minute together – things that are easily confused with signs of love.

Why do people stay in a controlling relationship instead of breaking up?

It’s hard to leave any relationship, and it can be hard to see the damage while it’s happening in a controlling relationship. People are often hopeful that they’ll be able to change or that their partner will. They might hope to keep the good parts of the relationship and resolve their troubles. Every couple has arguments, and if you’re not looking for red flags, it’s not always easy to see the difference between regular disagreements and a pattern of control that can lead to long-term abuse and even physical violence.

After a while, people might be afraid to leave. The relationship could be so intense that they may feel like they couldn’t live without each other, or the abuse may wear down someone’s self-esteem to the point where they don’t believe they deserve any better. The person being controlled may actually be afraid for their safety, especially if their partner has threatened them. Also, people are often too embarrassed to discuss the situation with family, friends or other trusted individuals who could give needed guidance and support.

If you want to talk to someone from
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Abuse Helpline, click chat icon below.

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